Looking Back

Ponder this...
Psalm 81, ESV


I hear a language I had not known:
“I relieved your shoulder of the burden;
your hands were freed from the basket.
In distress you called, and I delivered you;
I answered you in the secret place of thunder;
I tested you at the waters of Meribah. 


“But my people did not listen to my voice;
Israel would not submit to me.
So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts,
to follow their own counsels..."


Have you ever: 
*called out to God in distress?
*become irritated that God was not answering your prayer?
*failed to understand God's silence, or even still, His voice?
*become distracted?
*become impatient in waiting and created your own plan instead? 


I can answer every single one of those questions with "Yes".


In fact, just this morning I was praying away anxieties about future-related plans over which I have absolutely no semblance of control!  Recently I have fallen prey to fear over "missing something" that God would be trying to relay to me.  It recently occurred to me while reading a book that this fear is a direct result of not trusting God to provide and fulfill my every need.  


I then read Psalm 81.  The part that stuck out to my hungry heart was, "I answered you in the secret place of thunder; I tested you at the waters of Meribah."  GOD DOES NOT HAVE TO ANSWER THE WAY I WANT HIM TO.  Simple as that.  I have been placing God in a neatly wrapped package for way too long; it's time to rip apart that illustration and submit to a potentially messy, but beautiful, gift instead.  


God may answer me in the secret place of thunder; I may have to open my eyes to understand.
God may test me in the waters; I may have to endure the storm to discern His will.
But I would much rather these than a stubborn heart and a perfectly wrapped, limited God-in-a-box.